Happy Easter!

holy crap it's been a long time between posts. and.. not a lot different i guess? i'm boring.

wait, wait, wait...

who am i?
what am i doing here?
is this what life is supposed to be like?
does everyone go through times like this?

or am i just completely off the road of normalcy?
what do i even have to offer?
why is it always like this?
when does it change?
where am i going?



how do i get out of this mess?

mood: restless

cursive
the lament of pretty baby

I saw something I was not supposed to see
A ghostly memory that keeps on haunting me

(The kitchen door was open a crack,
So naively we peeked inside)

Oh, darling sister, have they hurt you, have they hurt you?
Oh, Pretty Baby, they won't touch you
They won't touch you again
We will fix this incident

I don't want to be seen as a pretty thing
'Cause it's the pretty things that we're always breaking...

(And now she whispers into the mirror:) I'm broken.

Oh doctor, doctor, can you fix me, can you fix me?

Oh Pretty Baby, you're so naive -- but it comes off so cute
We don't want to fix you
We love you just the way you are
The butterfly pinned to the page
The nightingale locked in the cage -- won't you sing for me?
Sing for me, uh-huh
Yeah, we love you just the way you are
Crushed 'neath fashion magazines
Trampled by circus pony dreams -- won't you kiss me?
Won't you kiss me, uh-huh

Oh please, mister, can't you fix me, can't you fix me? (uh-huh)
Someone, anyone, won't you fix me, won't you fix me? (uh-huh)
Oh, someone, please, the moon has raped me
I can feel it inside me
Oh, mama, please let someone fix me!
Let them fix me, uh-huh
Let them fix me, uh-huh

So cry yourself to sleep
Cry yourself to sleep 'cause I am strong and you are weak
Wait, you are strong, and I am weak
Fuck -- just cry yourself to sleep

Let's get one thing straight,
we don't have any answers.
We are proposals in a cosmic nursery,
and these massive stars,
they're just little twinkles,
if I can't possess them at such magnificence.
So if you can really hear me
and you really think you believe me,
there must be some kind of privilege here
to putter around with such an existence.
You see me on some stage,
and you believe it's really me over there,
there's a chance it's not really me.
Maybe we're not ourselves at all.
And maybe being is simply believing
that each breath we take in
must lead to another breath out,
one more breath away from yesterday,
and a timeline of yesterdays,
filled in with love or with pain
or whatever bullshit we smear on our sleeves.
I've found my cause, and this is it.
There are no answers.

Am I what I am?
Am I what I am?
Is that what this is?
Is this all there is?

mood: shitty

oh yeah, and for those of you who only know me on here, michael lost his job on tuesday. no warning, no notice, just walked into work and was told he needs to find another position. turns out the owner didn't like how he couldn't have complete and utter control over him (though if he had, they wouldn't have done so well for the first half of the year) and so really, when they held a going away party for the sous chef, secretly he was hired on as the new chef at that time, and two weeks after he gave notice at the job he was going to move to, he became the new chef and michael got the boot. such a set up, just happened to be exactly 6 months to the day of when he was hired on as chef, exactly the first day of the new quarter, etc.

so yeah, now, we have no income. GREAT. hopefully unemployment will kick in here in a few days or so. not sure how that's all going to go or whatever.

and hey, if you feel like it, text me, k? UNLIMITED TEXT MESSAGES that i need to make use of, dang it. the number is the same as it's always been. 226.5224.

mood: frustrated

i miss everyone.

will you reach out to me? i'm still here. i'm still the same. i need to feel life again.



remember... when we'd go to parties, and everyone would be like, "this is jessica, you know, jemm on lj?" and we'd talk about having lj parties? haha. yet so many have faded away.

but i am still here. and i am still the same.

i have been through a lot, especially lately, but i have remained the same.

and i want to feel alive.

Pedro the Lion - I Am Always the One Who Calls
Satellites mediate for us
The days events through fiber optics.
I hope we can change the saying.

I wouldn't mind but you are my only hope.
I wouldn't mind but you are my only hope.

Clear as a bell are the short breaths
That you take when you're distracted.
Same as the way that you roll your eyes
When I've asked too many stupid questions.

My faith in zeros and ones to host our romance,
Rests on hope you gave that I've some claim to your heart.

I wouldn't mind but you are my only hope.
I wouldn't mind but you are my only hope.

Clear as a bell are the short breaths
That you take when you're distracted.
Same as the way that you roll your eyes
When I've asked too many questions.

I will call you in three weeks,
Maybe then you'll have some more to say.

mood: gloomy

Some day you will be loved -dcfc

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

mood: blank

The early cars
Already are
Drawing deep breaths past my door
And last night's phrases
Sick with lack of basis
Are still writhing on my floor

And it doesn't seem fair
That your wicked words should work
In holding me down
No, it doesn't seem right
To take information
Given at close range
For the gag
And the bind
And the ammunition round

Conversation once colored by esteem
Became dialog as a diagram of a play for blood
Took a vacation, my palate got clean
Now I could taste your agenda
While you're spitting your cud

And it doesn't make sense
I should fall for the kingcraft of a meritless crown
No, it doesn't seem right
To take information
Given at close range
For the gag
And the bind
And the ammunition round

This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact I can't stop falling out

This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact I can't stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache

What is this posture
I have to stare at
That's what he said when I'm sittin' up straight
Change the name of the game 'cause he lost
And he knew he was wrong but he knew it too late
But I'm not being fair
'Cause I chose to listen to that filthy mouth
But I'd like to choose right
Take all the things that I've said that he stole
Put 'em in a sack
Swing 'em over my shoulder
Turn on my heels
Step out of this sight
Try to live in a lovelier life

This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact I cant stop falling out

This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact i cant stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache

so.. it snowed a little last night. and a little today. just a sprinkle, but still. it's almost May!!! 

and now it's snowing! crazy!

Does anyone read this anymore? Rest assured, even if you don't read/respond to me at all (not that I post often), I do read my friends list once a day, as I have for most of the past 7 years. Today is my livejournal's 7th birthday.

I'm trying really hard to get my BeautiControl business going. I made about $200 just from the two parties I had this month, and that's in profit. And I have two one-on-one spas that I'll be doing this next week. Now, that's not a lot yet, but one of those parties was only an hour long, and I made almost $100 in that one hour. Plus I get all my skincare and everything at wholesale, so I have great skin because the products are amazing. Signing up this month and next month is $125 (normally $250), and you get $500 worth of products with that, that you can use for yourself or sell. Then you get the chance to get a 55% discount off any $500+ at signup, or 55% off $1000 at training. Usually the top discount is 50% (they'll do a 55% off thing once or twice a year lately), so it's a really good deal. So I don't know, I don't see why anyone wouldn't want the chance to make money that easily. I see people signing up with some of these other companies that only give them 25% or less of the sales, and that's just a lot of extra work to make money that you don't see most of.

But, you know, I don't even know if hardly anyone reads this anymore, so I guess it doesn't matter. At least I have a new car, I was getting really restless being home all day long. We had a pretty good Easter, we spent the day with my MIL and my BIL's ex girlfriend who lives in the same duplex with her. Long story, she's trying to work and earn enough money to move back to Hawai'i. I finally have a good relationship with my MIL, the breast cancer really changed her attitude. It's nice. Mayah and I have been hanging out with her and Mary Beth at least once a week, and I've been trying to avoid going to my parents' house all that often, my mom is psycho in a different way now with her pre-menopause attacks and overload at work. And my dad has turned weird too. With the car now, I can go over, and just leave if things get to crazy.

mood: contemplative

Um, okay? I do not care if you are supposed to boycott LJ today.

here's the evite. please come

We're holding a Spring Spa Event Saturday, March 15th!

Come experience a relaxing Spa Escape with a bunch of other women. I haven't heard all the details yet, but I'm sure we'll be doing facials, hand treatments, possibly Microderm Abrasion, even foot spas.

It will be from 10 am to noon at the Puyallup Activity Center 210 West Pioneer Ave. Puyallup, 98371. (same building the Forza is in). You enter in the front next to the Forza, then walk down the hall, and we're usually in the first room after the little lounge area, but we might have a different room so I will update when I find that out.

You will also have the opportunity to get $500 worth of products for $125. This includes your customized full skincare set (maintenance, repair, and prevention products), the most popular spa products, customized make up set, and some other things, all in the new Spa bag.

I need RSVPs so that we can make sure we do have a large enough space. So please let me know by at least a few days before the 15th. It's going to be a lot of fun!

You can see the products and get some information about what a Spa entails on my website

www.beautipage.com/jstocklin

I'm probably getting a different car on Wednesday, and I guess I get to count it as my b-day gift. Because I don't want to spend $3000 on a transmission rebuild. We're probably just going to have to junk it because no one wants to buy a car with a messed up transmission, and our apartment place will tow a car if it sits for more than 4 days or so. Thank God for tax refunds and BeautiControl, and talking up my parents to borrow the difference until that rebate comes. That will be two Fords that we've had to have towed away for free. I vow to never get a Ford again, unless I earn my BeautiControl Mustang, but that would be brand new at no cost to me, so I could deal with that. My Mustang was pretty good to me, but the transmission went out on it for the guy we sold it to. I get to be a Toyota driver now.

There are so many boys and girls in the world now, that Santa is a very busy guy. He goes from house to house, delivering presents and eating up cookies and milk. This year, why don't we leave him some Nesquik QuikStart instead of just plain milk? That way he can have some variety, but also get a little boost before he goes off to finish all his other stops. I'm sure Santa would really like that, and maybe he'll leave an extra gift just for you. 

Written for my daughter and Nesquik Coolers

This was really funny. I want one to suddenly appear by my house!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogwKDi84-a0

mood: amused

i'm having a holiday spa open house nov. 30th. you know, if anyone wants to come see me or get some good sales on spa and skincare gifts.

michael just won an endolocity trip to lollapalooza!!!! haha!!!

send me text messages. i pay for them now, so use them darn it.

i have the same number i had 8 years ago. it's hidden multiple times in old posts, start at the beginning and you'll probably find it. haha.

mood: bored

http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/jstocklin@gmail.com/june27


Spa open house. Wednesday June 27th, 7pm, Round Table in Tacoma.

Skincare, image, makeup, spa stuff.


I need grown up contact. I think I'm going crazy.

mood: disappointed

http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/jstocklin@gmail.com/may17

My BeautiControl team is doing a free image seminar on the 17th. Color analysis to see what colors look best on you, makeovers, all sorts of stuff. Check out the evite. It was planned with short notice so I really don't know all the stuff that will be going on, but Evelyn Coleman is the main speaker, and she's one of the top directors with them and makes a ton of money and stuff. She's pretty cool too.

my mom called me earlier today to see if i knew why my dad's truck was gone. she said my brother's car was still there so he must have taken it. she talked to him earlier and asked what he was doing and he said "nothing." came home and his stuff was gone, he moved out. so she just talked to him and got the details.

my brother is so crazy. he only works part time. he'll be living with a friend, but still, he doesn't understand all the bills he'll come up with.

though i wish i could have afforded to move out when i was 18. :\

i just had to rate the say anything video for wow, i can get sexual too. and mayah started singing along. i was like, oh no!! then she was like "hey, waye-a-minute, dis not the song i like" because she likes regina spektor's fidelity better. haha. so she had me put it on, now she's singing to that. hahaha.

you know the opening scene from ghostworld, where enid is dancing to the crazy movie? i'm watching that movie right now. i rented it from blockbuster online. it is cheezy and awesome at the same time. the 60's were so strange... i wish i had witnessed them. haha.

I called The End to request Sowing Seasons by Brand New, and Tommy was like, hey, can you request Jesus so I can record you? That'd be awesome. So I'm going to be on the radio in a minute, hahha. I was like, uh, okay... And I didn't know what all to say. nerrr.


***************
haha, it didn't even sound like me. oh man. and he played the whole thing, where i said i couldn't go to the show because i have a two year old and couldn't get a sitter (as he put it.)

i'm glad that's over. hahhaah.

it is freaking snowing. it started as hail, then turned into big fluffy snowflakes. crazy.

ha!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070227/ap_en_mo/theater_equus

happy birthday michael. i love you.

it's cold out again. about 30 degrees right now. michael had a hard time getting the car doors open to go to school. he looked up the weather online for somewhere yesterday, and one place said a low of 35 but had a picture of snow. well now we can believe that's possible.


brrrr. and to think, i wore a t-shirt outside just a few days ago and felt fine in the low 60's.

today was the first day in weeks that mayah slept past 5am. yesterday was really the first day she slept past 4 am. i got to sleep until 8:30, minus the two times she woke up for a few minutes. too bad i couldn't fall asleep until after 1, but it was probably the most sleep i've had in a long time too.

is myspace giving anyone else an infinite loop of inaccessibility? i can get to the log on page, then when i try to log on, it goes to "page cannot be displayed" (which occurs 75% of the time normally) so i try to go back to any logon type page and it tries to load, finding the site then loading then looking again etc, for about 2 minutes, then i get the pcbd message again. weird. i can look at my own page, and other people's pages, but can't get to my account.

dangit! i just ordered some mascaras in january, and they have to come out with a new maximum volume one this month. and a new concealer stick with fine line reducers... don't need that yet. and they're updating the packaging on the lip apeel so that it doesn't dry out anymore (yay!), and getting a new microderm abrasion brush (thank goodness, i was just telling my mom last night how awful i thought the current ones are.)

now all they need are some creamy eyeshadows and metallic colors and i'll be set.

goodness, did you know there are now 2173 pages of girls on makeoutclub? 35 sounds so low compared to that now. i only thought to look there because i heard someone mention it on the radio, haha. and it's been up for like 6 years. i feel old.

irs.gov free file starts today. don't use h&r block, they make you get a prepaid card with your refund on it, and ours stopped working with like $11 on it after two months, when you're supposed to get 3 months before they start charging a fee. and it wasn't just that the card was demagnetized or anything, the actual number didn't work when i tried calling in to complain about it. so i'm using turbo tax this year.

we have tons of snow. goodness. it's been snowing since 7pm and is now past midnight. mayah loves it. and michael doesn't have to go to schoo, but has to go to work from which he gets stuck/delayed on the way home.

it snowed again today

http://www2.snapfish.com/slideshow/AlbumID=144179595/PictureID=2682491241/a=85565747_85565747/t_=85565747

http://www2.snapfish.com/slideshow/AlbumID=144179595/PictureID=2682491231/a=85565747_85565747/

let me know if you can get to that. it was my first time using the new comcast photo center because IE7 won't let me log onto my ftp site right now.

*sigh*

i was just searching petfinder.com for kitties. ugh, i would so become a cat lady. i want like 2 or 3 right now. fluffy but short/med hair, gray, black, siamese.

my kitty sitting thing fell through. she never called me back. i drove by there just in case, and the lights were all on, i think her roommate stayed home. they weren't that cute either, oh well. i want my own.

mayah is sick. she's been sick for a few days, and this is the first day she's slept most of the day. i just hope she's not up all night again. i've been really tired from it.

mayah just ran up to her chair and looked out the window. i asked her what she was doing, and she said "see santa!" hahah. she was trying to look for santa out the window.

so we have electricity finally as of like 10:24 tonight according to the blinking clocks. and a practically empty refridgerator. everything defrosted in the freezer and a lot of the stuff in the fridge was icky. i knew we should have taken everything to my parents' when they got their electricity back two days ago like everyone else around here.

the heater in the living room/dining area doesn't work well. it's been up pretty high for about 4 hours now, and it's still cold in here. ugh.